I am going to be 40 this year. Don’t tell anyone.
I am going to be 40 this year and I am trying to improve myself before its too late. This means I am attempting to be more health conscious, to become better educated, and to embrace my inner Domestic Goddess.
The last one is killing me.
I am not Martha Stewart, although she is one of my heroes. She’s like the MacGyver of domesticity! She can pull off a 20 person dinner party with a can of peas and some duct tape! Her home is beautiful, chock full of ingenious handmade accessories and personalized accoutrement that make the rest of us weep in shame and envy. Why can’t I do that?
Oh, yeah, I’m a slob, that’s why.
Now, please understand , I am not scheduled for a visit from “Hoarders” or “Clean House” any time soon. I have just always felt that a little chaos and clutter goes a long way toward making a house looked cozy and lived in. And, okay, maybe I have far surpassed lived in and landed squarely in buried alive but that doesn’t mean I don’t have an inner June Cleaver just dying to get out.
So I started in the bedroom. The one place I should be able to
hide all my mess find blissful serenity. I began by cleaning out the closet, much to the chagrin of my cat who had built a little nest in the clothes that had fallen to the floor. I would get rid of everything I don’t use or wear. I was merciless. If I hadn’t worn it in the last year, out it went. Well, not the gold taffeta dress, I really love my gold dress. Who cares that I have had it for 10 years and never worn it. And the shoes that match, if I keep the dress it would be silly not to keep the shoes. And my green giraffe sweater from high school. I have to keep that! I named all the giraffes on it! (Shorty, Conrad, and Ruble) Which meant that I also had to keep the purple cape, the velvet headdress from the Renn Fest in ’97, all of my Orioles baseball hats, and my Olivander’s t-shirt “Where the wand chooses the wizard!” At the end of 5 solid hours of excruciating agony and tearful trips down memory lane I had 5 lawn size bags of t-shirts, suits, handbags, and shoes (17 pair) to be sent off to the Brothers and Sisters donation drop.
With the closet cleared out, it was time to move on to the floors. I gathered up all my dirty clothes and sorted them into hampers. I picked up all the remaining shoes and put them in the closet, in the hanging shoe bags that I have had for 15 years which my shoes seem to be afraid of. I swept. I mopped. I broke out the hand vac with the HEPA filter and ran it along all the edges and corners. I even dusted. I was exhausted.
Except, now I have to keep going or I will be sleeping on a bare mattress and wearing my gold dress and matching shoes to work. Twelve loads of laundry later, I am beginning to detest Martha Stewart.
After clearing out and cleaning up my bedroom I decided I need a fresh coat of paint to help brighten things up. Off to Lowes! $127.94 later I have arrived home with two gallons of paint, a curtain rod, curtains, a table lamp and a wall sconce, a paint roller, tray, and edging brush. Plus 47 paint color swatches for the bathroom, and a gallon of paint for the kitchen.
All of which sit in the dining room for a week while I work up the courage to continue my odyssey into domestic divinity.
The following weekend I attacked the walls, ripped out the 40 year old metal blinds, threw out the chipped and grime-ridden wall sconce, and applied two coats of Vanilla Bean eggshell finish latex to the room. Up goes the new wall sconce and curtains. On with the new bedding with matching throw pillows. Art work and accents strategically placed. And, voila! A room any design show host would be proud of!
Now for the rest of the house.